mending while bending

Because I love You

Bear with me on this post….I promise I have a point. 😉

Yesterday was a LONG day in my life. I woke up at 4:15 am to do hot yoga, followed by an hour at the gym, countless conference calls, writing an article for publication, and preparing for an interview today. The kids got home and my day seemed even crazier with homework, dinner to prepare, and time to read some Magic Treehouse to my son. My husband Keith is building our home and has an even crazier schedule than I do…..if that’s possible. Keith texted me and asked me to prepare some of my homemade banana pancakes for him to eat at the job site throughout the week. My initial thought was – nope, no way….I’m exhausted and that is not high on my priority list. After a few minutes I remembered the pancakes only take me a short time to prepare and it would mean a lot to him. Plus I love seeing him fuel his body with healthy foods while he works so hard.

I decided to do it – because I love him.

I tucked the babies into bed and headed to the kitchen to prepare the pancakes. After I finished, around 8:30pm, I texted him a photo simply saying, “because I love you”. He responded with a photo of our house that he was still at working on at 8:30 at night, with the words, “Thanks sweetie….because I love you”.

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The exchange between us, sappy as it was, speaks volumes of our relationship. You see, our various trials and tribulations in life have a profound ability to shape who we become. The exchange would have never happened between my late husband and I – not because we didn’t love each other, but simply because we didn’t understand the importance of the little things. I didn’t always put my late husband first in my life, and honestly I probably would have never made the pancakes for him. I would have minimized the importance of such a simple task and told myself that it really didn’t matter.

One thing that grief has taught me is that the simple things, the little things, the tasks that we often overlook, are often the ones that make a life the happiest. When you learn to value and appreciate those small moments we all take for granted, your life and your relationships will improve tenfold. Grief has given me this view on life and it has profoundly shaped who I am post loss. So often we focus on all the negative that comes from our grief and sometimes it is important to look at our lessons and realize that our pain, our incredibly hard journey has shaped us into being and doing more.

I am a better person post loss.

I am a happier person post loss.

I am a better mother post loss.

I love my life more completely and fully post loss.

I’m not alone in this realization that life is about the simple and small things. My husband Keith has also grown and evolved considerably following divorce and painful life circumstances that thrust him into a time of reflection and personal evolution.

He is a better person post pain.

He is a happier person post pain.

He is a better father post pain.

He appreciates and loves his life more fully post pain.

Neither one of us arrived at this appreciation for our personal difficulties overnight. It has taken us both years to see the good from the bad that transpired during darker days. Once that light shines on your past you will view your journey in a completely new way.

I was asked today if being happy can happen post loss, and without even a seconds hesitation my answer was a resounding – YES!

Why?

Enlightenment, appreciation for moments over things, acceptance of yourself, value in those you love like never before, and a glimpse into the beauty that is life.

The next time someone asks you to do something simple for them – do it, and then tell them it’s because you love them. Start to appreciate the small acts of kindness that surround you and you might be surprised at how those you love start to appreciate them as well.

It’s a cycle of kindness, love, and appreciation we should all practice.

At some point in the future, the people we love most won’t be with us to appreciate – it’s the unfortunate part of love. So today, make the pancakes, be thankful for the morning kiss, the text from a friend, and the help with the dishes. The little things will be what you long for most someday because ultimately they are the big things after all.

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